Feeling blue.... hate this feeling... Love and hate. Love to sit down and reflect but ate when thinking gets deeper and outcome always end up biting me in the arse..

super duper uber with a capital L.A.Z.Y........................

If i deserve the best why do i feel like shit now? Yes i do agree that a leopard cant change its spots, but it's the effort that you are willing to make for the better. Should i fight or should i resig to fate. Maybe it's time... sigh....

I'M BORED!!! and cravng for crabs! Crab for dinner anyone... but must be delivered to ECC...

I need a holiday now! Anyway, i was scouting around for cheap tickets to LHR. So far best price 1.3k on emirates. Is emirates good? And did i mention that i dislike being a standby? On athe hindsight it's WEDNESDAY! mid week! yeay! and i missed Tabula last night! :( and no training this week... dbl boo! sigh...

OOO .... my niece is here... She's still the same o same o... Still as chatty as ever...

Did i tell u how much i hate doing up report.. aaargh....

Quote of the day: I am a fashion disaster...

wahahaha

I seriously dont know whats happening to our relationship. I felt that we've drifted apart. That one conversion sounded really awkward. what's happening to us? I havent had this feeling for a very long time. I feel lonesome tonight. Someone take me out ...

This year by far hasn't really been for me in terms of relationship. Eversince he got back from here, things has been really tensed up. I dunnoe whether issit me or him. What did i do or what did i not do to have these tensions. First it was, ATKK and now. about a side comment he madebout me forgetting to send him vday present. I told him he's being unreasonble lately and he said i dun give a crap. WTF! That was the most hurtful thing he said besides being called a cunt when he was pissed drunk. I cant believe he said that. It hurt me so much that my heart aches. Sometimes i wonder whether issit worth the pain to stay on. i do love him to bits, but the things he says nowadys just getting more hurtful. It havent been an smooth sailing almost 3 years journey for us. Being apart for most of the time, aint easy. I am at a crossroad. what shall I do next? Is it just another rough patch we're going thru or is it a sign to takes things into consideration.

I am knackered. I am burnt. I am everything. But life moves on. To the long work week and a half day weekend...

Today's the first day of BM. I love the water but when it comes to swimming, i think i'm the first from the back.  Swimming has always been my not so strong element. Well at least for front crawl. And worst towing.... it doesnt help when i'm not the average size... I think i drank more water than the casualty. My first timing today for 100m swim 100 m tow... 4.11 mins thats's not inclusive of stripping! And i'm supposed to clear allin 3.15 mins~! sigh

Anyhoo, I find really amuzing at first that he thought i had a thing with ATKK. I tried hard to convince that we're nothing. we're like bro and sis since we went thru 21 days together and and he's my team mate. So i have always been close to him . And we have our love hte relationship cos he irritate a hell out of me. but i came to a point that nothing convince him at all. He kept insisting that i have. But i don't. I got pissed. It feels that he doesnt have any faith in me. it seems like I'm trying hard to proof to him that I am faithful to him. This makes me think alot of our relationship. So many had happened over the span of almost 3years now. So how much can i take till i cant take it anymore.? I'm tired of keeping and trying to convince. And yes i still love him a hell of a bit. Is it worth hanging on? That's something i have to find within myself for the next few days or even weeks... I hope i can find the answer.

i feel helpless....

i hate the holiday season without him. Especially on cnys. Well most of  friends are chinese, hence I'm all alone on day 1 and 2 of cny. My non chinese friends are mostly non existence as they've got the own lives to get on with. Oh well.. solitude time for myself it shall be.

We had a nice conversation the other nite how he said that he's maturing more nowadays. And i said to him.. " Yeah.. S.L.O.W.L.Y " not as fast as i expect but yeah that's good enough for me. He's glad that he's finally starting work again after 2 weeks of break and being broke. He said that he's finally saving again. And he asked me what am i saving for? I said to get me Tiffany's! haha! And he said... You got to be more specific babe. Issit the solitaire ? I was like not yet maybe others... ha! weird conversation!

Anyhoo.. went to watch Wedding game with Trace and Alex. Yes the 2 that done all their visiting in less than a day... Funny movie. we had a good laugh. There's this part where I could only here the 3 of us laughing! lol! Dinner at Bly bombers was alrite.. Just spent catching up on work stuff and gissips.. :P and Me and Trace were off to watch bride wars with Vif! :) Mad I know 2 movies in a row!

 This mark the first weekend of the year that I have nothing to rush to. It feels weird when I get used to certain routine of rushing off to meet the bf. I felt lost. The sistas were at comm dorm meeting and i was all alone walking round city hall. Bought beef goulash and sat by the fountain. I then realise it was the same exact same spot where we were seated 2 weeks ago. It's so sad that 2 weeks went by just like that. How I wished that we had longer time together.

Anyhoo, it was a fruitful 2 weeks together. Him finally meeting my family and of cos not forgetting the extended family :)

This 2 weeks spending together been great though i was irritated with him sometimes. He has grown to be a slightly more mature boy than the one i left last Oct. Which is good of cos. :) I am proud of him for what he is today. Good Job babe! :)

Today to distract myself, we had sailing at work. It was AWESOME! the wind was SWEET. Learnt quite a fair bit form MD. I'm gonna miss seeing him around and sikiting in the office... but it's all good I guess.


Missing u loads babe... 

 i had my best xmas gift ever. the gift that enables me to get to her. i am glad that we had that chat earlier on. I'm not a christian but i do believe in xmas miracle. I never stopped trying. I feel i have fulfilled what i am tasked to do this year. Bring on 2009!

Baby bought me roses the day before yesterday! That made the first bouquet in 2 yrs and also his first! haha!

Anyway, we had a real good chat last night. Laying in his arms and talking, brings me back to old times. He woke up this morning saying that somehow i have a gut feeling that this will be our last time seeing each other. 9 mths seems to tad far away. i told him we did it once, and we survived. He said, but it nearly killed us....

This made my day... the bf's dad was so sweet... :)

BF: yup his exact words were... "aww, i like that girl.. you should go.. i will give you £400"

And it's SATURDAY ppl! One more day to go! :) Ben & Jerry's here i come! weeeeeeeeeeee

I'm excited! I think this year by far, Ive received the BESTEST birthday gift ever! :) boing.... :)